If You Must Find Fault, This is the Way to Begin
It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
How to Criticize - and Not Be Hated for It
Calling attention to one's mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism.
Talk About Your Own Mistakes First
It isn't nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable.
Admitting one's own mistakes – even when one hasn't corrected them – can help convince somebody to change his behavior.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
No One Likes to Take Orders
Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the Other Person Save Face
Letting one save face! How important, how vitally important that is! And how few of us ever stop to think of it! We ride roughshod over the feelings of others, getting our own way, finding fault, issuing threats, criticizing a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person's pride. Whereas a few minutes' thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person's attitude, would go so far toward alleviating the sting!
Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face.
How to Spur People on to Success
Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires the other person to keep on improving.
Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.
Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere – not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good.
Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.
Give a Dog a Good Name
[...] if you want to improve a person in a certain aspect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct
Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it, and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve. But use the opposite technique – be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it – and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.
Making People Glad to Do What You Want
Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
The effective leader should keep the following guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change attitudes or behavior:
- Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
- Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
- Be empathetic. Ask yourself what is it the other person really wants.
- Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
- Match those benefits to the other person's wants.
- When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.
Reference: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
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